he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Be still, my beating vagina.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Randomize
