i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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