I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
