her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Randomize
