i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
