Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
