Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
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