i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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