I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
