Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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