You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
