so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Randomize
