im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Shame - the story of my life.
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