and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I said "one day" and that day is not today
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
