What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
