I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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