That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
