forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
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