Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
