Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
