remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Randomize
