Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
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