i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
