I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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