My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
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