How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
