Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
