He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
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