i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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