Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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