I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
