u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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