It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
