Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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