Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
