i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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