I like my sex mixed with concussions.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Randomize
