i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
