"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize