I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
