I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
