I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
