I have demons in me.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
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