So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
You took a bar mat shot.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
