the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
