so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
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