the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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