You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
4 words: hood of his car
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
