Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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