I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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