Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
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