but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
