kristin has been a bad kristin
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I want you more than these girls want KFC
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
FUCK WHALES
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