i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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