I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
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