i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
