Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
