I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
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