Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
