She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
