I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Randomize
