Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
