doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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