we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
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