I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
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