Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Randomize
