I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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