I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I just want to make out with him forever
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
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