I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Do vagina's smell?
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
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