Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
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It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
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