NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize
