Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
