I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
