He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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