So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
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