so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
