This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
