when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
He passed out mid-signature
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
