I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
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My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
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We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
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