im drinking this country out of the recession.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
