Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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