There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Less talking, more tequila
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
You've changed since you got that strap on
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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