I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
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