I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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