Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Michael Bay diarrhea
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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